Sebastian and Anastasia will be 17 in July, so I've been doing this parenting of teens thing for awhile. One thing Matthew and I always said was that, when the kids became teens, we wanted to make sure they knew that there were no taboo or off-topic subjects because we wanted them to feel confident enough to come tell us anything.
With that in mind, we do have certain boundaries.
1) No locked doors. This is our of necessity and safety because of things that took place last year (that I have not publicly discussed).
2) Your room is yours, but there is the expectation that we can check for things if we feel the need to.
3) If you paid for it, we respect that privacy. For example, Anastasia bought her computer herself. Yes, we know all the passwords and the code to get in it, but we don't. It's hers. Now, cell phones, we paid for those so we have the right to go through them whenever we want. We know the passcodes for those too. (We don't go through them, though)
4) They know they are expected to do their school work every day. When they do it, neither of us care. But it has to be done every day.
5) Chores need to be done every day. If not, they lose privileges.
6) Sunday - Thursday, all video chatting, party chatting on the xbox, etc is done at midnight. Weekends, do whatever.
I'm sure there are more, but my brain isn't working correctly.
The point is, my kids know what is and isn't off-limits because we tell them in very clear terms. We aren't trying to run a prison, we don't want our kids to feel like inmates. We have very little rules, but what we do have, we expect them to be followed. By keeping an open relationship with them, we've learned a lot about them and they about us. They talk to us both about things, or individually. We have a fantastic relationship with our kids and it's something I love.
Boundaries are a great thing...just don't let them be so wide you can't see each other.
Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This month 5 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.
My subject was "How to set and enforce boundaries for your teenagers? (Asking for a friend)" and it was submitted by good friend Tamara over at Part-time Working Hockey Mom. Good luck! lol
Click the links to see what my friends have for you!
It's a balancing act, for sure, especially when they're teenagers. Your love and thoughtfulness will serve you well during these next few years.
ReplyDeleteLooks like coincidently the perfect person got my prompt ;-) Thanks for your insight!
ReplyDeleteI don't want to jinx it, but so far it's been pretty much smooth sailing. The occasional grumpy mood and hard eye rolling, but otherwise no complaints. I'm somewhat waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Happy Friday, happy settling in in your new home!
I cannot even imagine how hard it is today to raise teenagers. My kids are all in the 30's and late 20's and I thank God that I didn't have to deal with things that parents and kids have to deal with today. I like your approach though. Open communication lines are a necessity.
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