Times....They Are A-Changing

Maybe it's the fact that I just turned 30 and have been reflecting on my life.

Maybe it's that I HATE standing at the bus stop with the kids at 7 in the morning, freezing my imaginary balls off.

I'm not sure what it is, but this blog has been on my mind a lot and I figured it was time to get it out there to the masses.

I look at my kids and sometimes, I feel sorry for them. They are growing up in a time where bullying extends to home life. They aren't safe from it at home, because of social media. They are growing up in a time where they have to be watched like a hawk because you never know what creeper is lurking around the corner.

When I was 8, I walked myself to the bus stop. I played outside at all hours of the day. I'd run off to my aunts house a mile down the road or to a friends hours just over the hill. At any given time, my mother was calling someone to see if I was there.

I played with bare feet. I played in a creek, catching crawdads. I didn't have a computer and my first time on the internet was using a WebTV.

It was a simpler time, one I wish my kids could experience. One free of fear, full of freedom.

This pretty much sums up my childhood. If I hear the words "In West Philadelphia" I WILL finish the song. Shows had theme songs. They were wholesome and had positive messages. My kids aren't allowed to watch shows on Cartoon Network or Nick because I think they are too "mature". We are a Disney family and feel that they are more along the lines of what we use to watch. I, personally, am THRILLED that they are doing a spin-off of "Boy Meets World" and I'll let my kids watch it, because I know it will be along the lines of what I feel is wholesome.

I wish I could keep my kids in a little bubble and protect them from the dangers of the world. I don't know how to let them explore on their own without hovering over them. How do you give them their freedom without being terrified something will happen?

Times are changing and I don't like it. I live in a small town that is behind on the times, but the kids aren't innocent here and we are catching up. Little kids have cell phones. Hell, I'm considering getting my kids a cell phone to share. I didn't get my first cell phone until I was in my 20's and here I am, considering giving my 8 year olds a cell phone! *sigh*

This is the life I want for my kids....

Now to figure out how to make it happen.......

Decisions, Decisions.....They Are Never A Good Thing....

I went for a job interview on Friday and it went well. I'll start in two weeks, when my background check and drug test comes back. It's at a local grocery store and I'm really looking forward to the job.
Naturally, there's an issue now.
My husband's hours have been changed and he will now be working later. Normally, this wouldn't really be an issue, but with this job, there are going to be nights when I'll have to work late as well.
Our kids would never get to see us. This simply won't do.
I WANT to work, but I don't really NEED to. I'm just wanting something part time and I was hoping that it would be during school hours. Cailin could get some much needed time away from me and I'd be home by the time the kids got out of school. That's important to me. My husband and I have talked a lot about this and we've both decided that, as long as we can afford for me to, working part time and being available to the kids is important. Especially considering that, next year, they'll be old enough to join the school teams for basketball and cheerleading, the academic team, choir, etc, etc. Plus, I'm on the PTO, so I want to be available for that too.
We aren't a traditional family, by any means......well, I guess maybe we are. My husband works, I stay home, it's worked out so far. It's not really broken. I'm just getting bored and Cailin starts school next year, so I figured...why not.
I'm going to talk with the hiring manager at the store and see what we can work out. Explain my situation and see what we can come up with. Honestly, if I could work three 8 hour days, that would be awesome. Work on Sunday (that's my husband's day off) and two days during the week......maybe Monday and Wednesday or something. Be off by, like, 5....yea that'd be pretty awesome.
*sigh*
I feel torn. I don't know what to do and I hate that. I hate that his hours have been changed, because he doesn't see the kids as much as I know he'd like to. I know they miss him too and I don't want to take me away from them.

Anyone out there got any advice?

~Sarah

Evolution Of A Woman

So, this might be a fun post...might not. Not really sure yet.

In 4 months, I'm going to turn the big 3-0. 

Now, in the past, this was something that I dreaded. However, I've recently realized that, try as I might, I can't avoid it, so I might as well embrace it. 

I've changed...A LOT, over the course of my life. And who I am when I turn 30 is still unclear, because I'm still trying to figure it out. Sometimes, I want to be that typical stay at home mom...you know, like June Cleaver. But then there are times when I want to go back to my rocker look.

Here's a look at the many faces of Sarah...... 

Age 5

Age 7

Age 17

Age 20

Age 24

Age 25

Age 27

Age 28

Age 29

 As you can see, my appearance has changed quite a bit over the past few years. And trying to identify with any of those pictures is really hard, because I'm not sure which one is the real me.

Who will I be when I turn 30? No clue.....but man, the ride has been fun.

How have you changed over the past few years?

~Sarah

Pictures and Memories And Random Thoughts

So, I was sitting here, looking through old pictures of the kids, when tears sprang to my eyes. In 1 week and 2 days, Sebastian and Anastasia will be 7. 7 years old.......wow. In 1 month, 1 week and 3 days, Cailin will be 2. *smh*

My kids are growing up way too fast. In a blink of an eye, I went from having twin babies to having 2nd graders. In a blink of an eye, I went from having a baby to having a toddler. It's nuts and it's way too soon. I'm not ready for this, having my kids grow up. Sebastian is all boy and wants to be just like his Daddy. Anastasia is all girl and claims to be in love with Justin Bieber. Cailin is learning new things daily and she's getting really independent. She needs me to help her with some things, change her diaper and make her food and drinks. But other than that, she pretty much has everything figured out. She's always trying to talk and she loves to dance.....

I want so much good for my kids. I want them to be active in school, in sports, in our community. I want them to look back at their childhood and have nothing but fond memories. I want them to remember having a house, a room they love. I want them to remember family vacations and things like that......

I hate not knowing what I want to be when I grow up. I find myself torn between something in the medical field and something in the education field. I want to do something I know I'll love and something I know I'll be good at. I just don't know what that is. I know that I LOVED working as an administrative assistant when I worked at Precision Shutters. I LOVED that kind of work. I don't know how to parlay being a receptionist into a career though.

I know what house I want. I know I want about a half acre to an acre of land. I know I want a pool and a 2 car garage. I know I want a fireplace, a laundry room. I know what I want, I just don't know how to get it.

Sometimes, I feel really lost, like I'm just floating around, waiting for something to happen.

I need to make some major decisions, but I'm terrified to make them because I keep second guessing myself. I just know that I don't want to live in this apartment for the rest of my life and I don't want to be unemployed and barely making it for the rest of my life.

Anyways, I just had somethings I needed to get off my mind.......not that it really helped....but I just wanted to blog.