I thought today would be just like any other day.
It started off just like any other day. At 7 am, the alarm clock promptly started blaring, shouting it's demand that I wake and begin my day, rudely interrupting a dream. A good dream. A DAMN good dream. In this dream, I was sleeping. A deep, un-interrupted sleep. How do I know it was a dream and not real life? I have kids, that's how. I don't get to have deep, un-interrupted sleep.
Anyway, back to my story. My day started off with my alarm clock pleading with me to get out of the bed. The kids are FINALLY going back to school after being off for snow threats of bad weather but really, they could have gone....So, I shuffle my way down to the other side of the house to make sure Boy and Girl Child are awake and getting dressed, doing their morning routine. Because of the snow threats of bad weather days, naturally they have misplaced most of the stuff they need. So I do the best I can to track it down, calmly of course.
After we gather up their things and I slow down while they leap from the van lovingly dropped them off at school, I make my way home to wake up the beast my sweet little child and husband. Lil Bit gets up willingly (more or less) and gets dressed with out a fight (for the most part). We brush her hair without (much) incident. I drop her off at school, kiss the hubs as I drop him off at work, then I decide that, because I've done so well, I deserve a little Starbucks and a croissant. I've accomplished a lot already....time for a hefty pat on the back.
It's a nice morning, so I go to the local duck pond and enjoy my breakfast. I was walking through the open field when I came across a remote. It was compact and only had one button on it. I think to myself "Now what do I do with this?" I look it over, turning it over in my hand a few times. I can't figure it out, but that doesn't shock me, because I'm not that tech-savvy. It looks like it was just dropped, as it was really clean. I've been here for well over a hour and I've been the only one, so I decide to take it home. Maybe I can research it and see how to get it back to it's owner.
I get home and sit the remote on the desk, booting up my computer. I take to google and can't find a thing. Curious, I decide to aim it at my expensive, 55" TV, because, ya know, that's the smart thing to do. So I aim it at my TV and I press the button. Nothing happens....to the TV (thank you Lord, Jesus). But I notice that my TV stand looks a little cleaner. Hmmmm.
So I do what any sane person would do and aim the remote at the sink full of dirty dishes and press the button. Like magic, the mess is gone. I jump up and run to the cabinets. Not only are the dishes clean, but they are dried and put away.
My mouth hits the floor. Noticing how dirty it is, I point the remote at the floor and press the button. They shine. I let out a giggle and do a little dance as I aim it at my messy living room and press that amazing little button. Presto! My living room looks cleaner than it has in a while (in all fairness, I haven't really cleaned it that much....). I dance a little more then I run into my bed room. BAM, bed is made, things are dusted, room is clean. I aim it in my bathroom and WHAM, it's shining and clean enough to eat out of.
Holy mother, I have found my new best friend! (sorry Patty). I have found a remote that cleans for me. It's the most amazing thing in the world. My house looks amazing and I've only had to lift a single finger...my thumb! Only one thing left to do.
So I pile all the dirty laundry into the laundry room. I aim my magically little buddy at the pile and I press the button.
Nothing happens.
I hit the thing a few times and try again.
Nothing.
Oh HELL no!
It doesn't do laundry? What the hell?!
I grab it up (it somehow found it's way into the living room floor, even though I didn't leave the laundry room). I grab my keys and we head out, me and this little devious friend imposter. I pull back in to the duck pond and I put this little jerkface remote on a table. Then I get in my van and I drive off.
Moral of the story? Even magical remotes realize that laundry is sent straight from Satan himself and will refuse to wash it.
What a piece of junk!
Welcome to the Secret Subject Swap! This month, 15 bloggers swapped subjects and, today, we all unleash that fury onto the world. My subject was "I was walking through the ____________ when I came across a _____.
It was _________ and _______. Now what do I do with this?" and it was submitted by Spatulas On Parade. Thanks for the subject! Now that you've read mine, will you do me a favor and see what my friends are up to?
