The Surgery

It seems like, once I turned 30, my body was like "okay, that's it! I'm done!"
Basically, I fell apart.
Well, not ALL of me, but my.....woman....bits.

I was officially diagnosed with Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism in January or February 2014. Because it wasn't being treated, I wasn't ovulating and I was having a period for weeks to months at a time. I took medicine to fix it.

Or so I thought.

In January 2019, I was having cramps so bad, they were crippling almost. I went to the ER and was diagnosed as having a fibroid. I dealt with it for a few months, then went to the gynecologist. The first one I went to basically told me I was too fat to treat because I was likely going to have to have surgery. They recommended I go elsewhere, so I did.

This one got the job done. They did an endometrial biopsy and it came back negative for cancer but positive for hyperplasia, which basically means my lining was super thick. They referred me to an oncologist because while hyperplasia didn't MEAN that I had cancer, it could turn in to it.

So I go to the oncologist and we determine the best course of action is a total hysterectomy but leaving my ovaries. We scheduled it for March 10 because I had a cruise and didn't want to have to stay on the sidelines.

March 10 comes and I have my surgery. I go home 2 days later and take it easy. My husband and our 3 kids were absolutely, 100% AH-MAZING. They did everything and wouldn't let me lift a finger.

On March 23, I went for my 2 week post op check up. It was then that I found out that I'd had early stage endometrial cancer. They assured me they got it all during surgery so I wouldn't need chemo. I simply had to come back every 3 months for two year, then every 6 months for 3 years for screenings, until I was 5 years cancer free.

I'm not a cancer survivor. I didn't have to fight for my life like so many other people did. I don't have to go through the struggles that so many people do. I literally didn't know I had it until it was already gone.

So I find myself struggling with how to feel about it. I'm grateful it's gone, don't get me wrong. But how I do explain it to people? How do I identify myself when I go to the doctor and they ask if I've had cancer? It's a conundrum for sure.

For now, I'm enjoying the fact that I am now 6 weeks out from my surgery and I've been cleared to return to my normal activities.

And I get to rub in my teenage daughter's face that, while she still gets a monthly visit, I no longer do. I should find something to do with the $20 I'll be saving every month.

Tales of the Food-aholic

Hi, my name is Sarah and I'm a food-aholic.

I went to the doctor last week and, amid the tears and mental breakdown, I confessed to her my dark secret.

When I get home from work, I tend to binge eat. Like, I'll come home and pretty much eat until I'm sick, then I'll cook dinner and eat until I'm sick again. I was making excuses for this behavior by saying that I didn't eat much at work, which is true. But that doesn't mean I should have come home and eaten like I did.

I am the biggest I've ever been in my life. I won't tell you how much I weigh, because that is super embarrassing. But to be the weight that I am right now...it's painful. It literally hurts to do even the simplest of things. It hurts to sweep and mop. It hurts to bend over to tie my shoes. It hurts to just stand sometimes.

So, I cried and I poured all of this out to my doc, who, by the way, is absolutely amazing. She took a deep breath and basically said "Okay.....this is a multifaceted problem with many levels needing to be fixed. So let's fix them." She then went on to explain to me how studies have been done and now liken food addiction to opiate addiction; meaning the brain of a food addict is creating its own opium-like drug.

I don't drink that often. I've never done drugs and I don't abuse prescription narcotics. I don't smoke cigarettes either. But, I'm a food addict. Of course I'd become addicted to something that we actually NEED to live. Typical Sarah.

The fix? Well, in addition to my Zoloft and thyroid medication, I'm also taking Wellbutrin and Topamax. These are used to treat several things, food addiction being one of them. I'm also considering looking into seeing a therapist. I have a lot of issues I need to work through and I think it may be time. In addition to all of that, I've also found a church to attend with my family. We went yesterday for the first time and absolutely fell in love.

I'm not going to track my weight loss on here or anything like that, because this is going to be a battle that I will be fighting all of my life. But I will keep you guys up to date on the progress.

Here's to getting healthy. And admitting I have a problem.

Updates From The Dr

I had my post-op appointment yesterday. I got my stitches out and restrictions lifted. I'm going to ease back into normal activity, because I still feel some pain, but it's not as bad as it has been. This makes me happy. lol. I was able to pick my little girl up for the first time in a week and it made me want to cry.
You don't realize how much you really love doing something until you can't. I LOVE cuddling with my toddler. She's a little cuddlebug and I really missed it. For a week, I had to see the confusion in her eyes as to why Mommy wasn't picking her up. She didn't understand it. She literally squealed with delight when I picked her up for the first time. She threw her little arms around my neck and said "MAMA!" I thought I would cry.
Today, I went out and paid some bills and took care of some stuff that I needed to take care of and I'm paying for it now. I'm still swollen a bit, so wearing regular clothes hurts a little. Hopefully, by next week, I'll be back in business 100%! That will be nice.
I just wanted to update y'all on how I'm feeling......thanks for all the kind words and well wishes.

Oh yea.....Feeling A Little Better

Yesterday, I cooked dinner for my family. Matthew helped with some of it. Then, we clipped coupons and organized them and went through my binder. I'm sending all of my expired coupons to the men and women who are serving this country. They can use them up to 6 months after the expiration date.
After that, we called it a night and I actually got to sleep in the same bed as my husband! It was nice! No more recliner for me. No sir.
Today, I'm gonna relax around the house a bit, then tomorrow, I go to my DR and do a follow up and hopefully get these stitches removed. After that, we are going to a back to school bash at our church, so I'm excited for that. Thursday, we are going school clothes shopping, so YAY on that one too.
I'm feeling a little bit like my old self, which I'm loving. I'll be happy when I'm 100% again, but I'll take the 65% I'm at right now over that the 45% I had been.
Gonna work on a few more things and get some ideas for this blog.....stay tuned!