Staring Down Depression

I've posted before about how I finally admitted that I needed to talk to someone about my depression. It has been three months since that post and I figured I'd update you guys on what's going on.

I am currently taking 50MG of Zoloft at night. It helps me sleep and I've found I'm not as tired during the day if I do that. I don't feel as weepy or moppy and I find that I'm not as angry as I was. I don't snap like I did, I don't go off like I did. I feel somewhat normal. My thyroid meds got upped as well, because my thyroid wasn't improving. Hopefully, within a few month, I'll be 100% again. 

I miss that feeling.

In addition to my own depression, I'm also dealing with Boy Child being depressed, as a result of his being horribly bullied at school. I didn't post about it because it wasn't something I wanted to share with the world. But he was being picked on by a little boy at school who was going around saying he tried to kiss him and calling his a derogatory name for homosexual men. This caused Boy Child to become very depressed, withdrawn, and anxious. 

We met with his teachers and the principal to get the problem taken care of. They referred us to a program at the school that has a counselor come and talk to him once a week. In addition to that, he will also be staying after school and will attend some activities during the summer. We are hoping that this, paired with him playing soccer, will keep him from having to take medication. 

I didn't realize that children as young as 9 (and some even younger) could become depressed. What a scary thought. I'm happy that we noticed the signs pretty quickly and that we let him know that he has a support team there for him. 

Depression is no laughing matter. I'm happy that my son knows that he's not going through this alone, that he has me with him in this hazy cloud of sadness. He and I will stare depression down together, of this I am sure.

The Boy and The Bully

As much as I tried to avoid it, one of my kids got a taste of bullying and it broke my heart.

Boy Child

There is this little boy that goes to school with Boy and Girl child and, for whatever reason, this little boy decided that he didn't like Boy Child. I'm still not sure WHY he didn't like him, but he felt the need to bully him nonetheless. 

I didn't think it was really happening to the point of Boy Child being bothered by it, but he started to have an attitude here at home. Every time we'd say something to him, he'd cop a little 'tude or he would lash out at his sisters...whatever. So we asked him what was going on and he told us that this kid was basically making his life a living hell.

Boy Child has a Facebook page because he likes to play the games on it. This kid was on his friends' list and had sent him a message stating that he was going to team up with another friend and hit my son. That didn't fly with mama here, so I had a conversation with this kid, trying to get to the root of the issue. He thought I was Boy Child and was just laying it all out there. I finally told The Kid that I was the mom and he told me that Boy Child was giving as much as he was getting. So I gave The Kid our number and had him call me. I pulled Boy Child into the living room and I had them hash it out right then and there.

The result?

The two are now friends, best friends according to them. Boy Child rang in the new year with The Kid and the kid has been here twice, spending the night one of the times. They talk frequently on the phone and The Kid seems to be a really sweet kid.

I was bullied growing up and I remember how much it hurt. But I also remembered that several of my bullies had their own personal hell they were dealing with. So I kept this in mind while dealing with this situation. I told Boy Child that The Kid probably just needed a good, true friend and that was why he was lashing out. It turns out, I was right. The Kid comes from a broken home, he's the only boy in a family of 5 children and he is the middle child.

I'm happy that I handled this situation the way I did, even happier that a new and hopefully lasting friendship was forged. I hope that things don't change when they go back to school today, but I guess time will tell. I was able to teach my kids a very important and valuable less.....

Bullies sometimes just need friends.

Tales Of A 14-15 Year Old Sarah

I'm in front

This is me when I was 14. Gosh, how young I look! No tattoos on my wrists, no scars from cutting.....

Taylor Hanson

Life was so innocent back then. I was in love with a boy that stole my heart and was simply amazing and he never even knew it....mostly because he was famous and lived in Oklahoma, but, damn it, his heart should have felt some tug to Florida, right? 

Well, I think so....

I was staring down starting high school.....I wasn't looking forward to that at all. Most of my friends, though, were going to the same school, so that helped out. It was what it was, though...high school...bottom of the barrel as a Freshman. Eff that!

My hopes back then were to be a big singer, selling out to stadiums left and right, touring with Hanson, being awesome and having an impact on the youth of America. Back then, I didn't realize that music was becoming more about appearance and less about whether or not you can actually sing. I was determined...I'd sit in my bedroom with my little boom box, a pair of head phone ('cause I didn't own a mic) and a blank tape in the cassette player, recording songs I'd written myself onto tape to send out.

Oh yea, I was dreaming big.

High school rolled around and it became an experience that I try to block out daily. High schoolers were even more cruel than middle schoolers. I had batteries thrown at me, I was picked on relentlessly. My chorus teacher wasn't as nice or as cool as the one I had in middle school, and the boys only talked to me because I was smart and willing to do their homework.

In February, halfway through my Freshman year, my Grandpa Fields passed away and we ended up moving to Kentucky from Florida and lived in his house. I started school with some old friends and met some new ones (like Patty, our Crafty mama!). School was a little easier to handle, I had friends and boys actually talked to me because they wanted to be my friend (some weird boys wanted to date me, but I was still holding out hope that Taylor Hanson would sweep me off my feet). I still wanted to be a singer, but I also wanted to go to college for something (I think psychology) and I wanted to write.

Taylor and his wife Natalie

It was a much simpler time, back then. And boy, how things have changed. Taylor never did get around to sweeping me off my feet and I finally came to the realization that he was unattainable, that he'd never date a fan, 'cause he was bigger than that, only to find out that yes, he WOULD, in fact, date a fan and would go on to prove he likes sex...A LOT (they have 5 kids!). He still makes music with his brothers and I'm still a fan. I saw them in 2008 and actually got to meet them and shake their hands and get autographs. (there is a funny story in there....they did this thing called "the walk" before their show. Patty and I were walking with them and was having a very intense conversation about baseball. I wasn't paying attention and walked right into a parking meter...with the band right behind me.) 

I'm married now and very happily so. I have 3 kids of my own and I strive daily to impress upon them what it's like to be in school. I try to get them to make sure they are polite to everyone, that they aren't mean for no reason (or any reason really). I encourage them to try things I wouldn't and to dream big!

My life didn't turn out how I'd planned when I was 14 or 15 years old. But I wouldn't trade the life I have right now for anything in this world.

My husband and I (take THAT Taylor Hanson!)

Bullying: My Pledge To The World

Sarah: Circa 2000

When I was in middle and high school, I was bullied relentlessly. I was the perfect target; I was overweight, I wore glasses, I had braces, I was poor and I was a nerd.
I've heard it all....."fatty, fatty two by four, can't fit through the kitchen door", etc, etc. No, it wasn't fun times at all. I hated high school, but it was an escape from home, where life wasn't much better (sorry, mom...but it wasn't). Often times, you found me hiding in the library, reading a book. At home, you found me locked in my bedroom, escaping in to the world of Dawson's Creek or Friends.

A scar from one of my cutting sessions.

How did I deal with the pain? I wrote horrible poetry and I started cutting myself. I often thought of suicide but, honestly, was too chicken to follow through, so cutting myself seemed to be the next best thing. This continued into adulthood, but that's another story for another day.
When my kids started school, I was terrified that they'd have to go through the same thing I went through or that, worse, THEY'D be bullies themselves. I tried to teach them acceptance and, so far, I think I've done a pretty good job. They are very understanding that people are different and that they shouldn't pick on them or be mean. Anastasia has a little trouble with this with Sebastian. She can be mean to him and pick on him, but we are trying to break her of that habit.
One thing I teach my kids is that words can hurt.
A lot.

And that picking on people and bullying is so far from cool, it's not even funny. It doesn't make you cool, or rad, or bad ass. It makes you look weak, in my opinion. It makes me feel sorry for all parties, because I truly believe that a lot of bullies are doing it for reasons other than just being mean. I think there is something going on in their home life that is making them so miserable, they are trying to get company.
More and more, you are hearing about young people committing suicide over being bullied. Off the top of my head, I can think of two; Amanda Todd and Felicia Garcia. Both girls committed suicide after being tormented and bullied, in person and on social websites like Facebook and Twitter. Both girls torment and bullying stemmed from sexual things. They were called names, treated horribly, Felicia's sexual act was filmed, unbeknownst to her.
Kids have so many outlets at their disposal these days, outlets that enable them to be even more cruel than necessary. Young kids have Facebooks..hell, MY kids have them! Parents are busy and aren't as proactive in their kids lives. Have you seen the movie "Cyberbully"? I think it's a must watch with your kids.
So, after reading these stories, I decided to take a stand and make a pledge. My pledge is to teach my kids against bullying and to stand up for people they see being bullied. And I, myself, won't be a bully either. I wish bullying would end, but I don't see how when many adults are just as cruel (take the website Cafemom for example.....you'll see plenty of grown women purposely being mean to others.).  The only thing I can do, as one person and a parent, is teach my kids that bullying is NOT okay.

Bullying is stopping here. I'll not tolerate it and I'll not accept it. I wish I could come up with ideas to get this message into schools, ways to help students learn acceptance.
Here is where you can all step in.
Pledge to do your part to teach your kids, or ANY kid for that matter, that bullying is NOT okay. It's simply not.
We may not be able to do much, but if it reaches just one person, then I call it a success!
~Sarah